I have changed!

I really can saythat now! I have come in to my own yeah I'm a little lazy today but ohh well. It seems Gary will not be joining me on this path in my life, he is holding everything I hold dear in my life in font of me and that is not ok. What he has done is unforgiverable even if I wanted to be with him I can't trust him now...not now not ever. I will always love him because he gave me my son and let me become a mother but that is it, my heart is ready to heal. I'm going out with friends and just having fun however there is someone who has peaked my interest no I'm not looking for a relationship but if it falls in to place I'm not going to stop it. Someone people probably will think I'm dumb but you know it's my life and it's what ever makes me happy. For once I'm not trying to please anyone but me....It's Aiden and I all the way.....him and me is what matters most right now and making sure I can provide him with the life he deserves.

The newest and the greatest...NOT!

Well well, I finally moved into my own place...My job is the best I've ever had...I love it. I love being here but I'm a little confused as to were to be at this moment, Ohio I'm moving forward in Texas well I have my family there and it's hard my husband wants to be with me but can't move up here and I don't want to move back to Texas because this place seems to be good for me. I have no clue what to do or how to do it all I can do is keep doing it. I've met interesting people up here and they are great to hang out with but I have that longing for my husband...I can handle things on my own, I've been given that strength but I want Gary in the passenger side holding up his end of the job driving through this with me. I've really come into my own now...part of me says that Gary is not for me anymore that I've change another part says that's the one I was spent to spend the rest of my life with...now rather he gets his act together will be the key to rather we will truly work. I've got my sh*t almost together but I want him to get his together too so we can be a family. I can truly say that I have changed for the better I'm still a little emotional at times but I'm getting stronger by the day. I don't need a man to support me I'm doing very well on my own, I've think a little more highly of myself and I'm working on making my self heathier and better over all so people eat your heart out! lol Anywho I am done for now and I promise I will keep updating alot sooner then I have been.

Ohio Ohio

Ohio is great so far, I'm meeting family memebers I've never met before and it's fun. I love the weather here it been great. I had a interview today and if i don't get that job another next Tuesday....i hope i get this job though..it would be a great step for me. I know with my dads help I will get on the right track, he is going to keep track of my money so I can save for my own place and pay off some bills...probably something I needed for a while, someone to take control and tell me what I can spend my money on. I haven't really showed any emotion towards my dad yet....I'm not there yet but he has seen me cry. I miss my son sooo much I can't wait to get him up here and let him see all this. I miss Gary but there isn't much I can do about that...he will come in his own time if he chooses. I think I might end up making this a final move for me but we will see when winter gets here. Anywho I'm out for now sorry for the short blog!

Hmm....

Well I haven't been using my blog as I should so here's the update...I'm working things up with my hubby, I moved to Ohio to get a fresh start at life. This is gonna be interesting I just met my sisters for the first time and two seem really sweet the other one I haven't had much time with because she was hosting a bday party for her little girl. We sold the house so that is behind us now WOOHOO. I don't know what this all has in store for me but hopefully it's all good. My roomie ended up being a complete B*tch...she is doing highschool things and yet shes older then me...I hate people like that, people who have to all be in the spotlight, its all about them. Well she is a conartist and a lair and those kind of people I don't need in my life so i kicked her to the curb. To tell you how evil this person is...she faked a rape. How do I know this you may ask, she said she filed a police report (I called she didn't) and the fact the rapist was a dear friend of mine I confronted him...he said they did do it but she got mad when he wanted nothing further with her in that way...ohh by the way she is dating someoen, suppose to be getting married (if that has any truth to it). That kind of person is not worth my time and hopefully her boyfriend sees this all soon enough before he makes a mistake cause she will robb him blind. I know I may sound bitter or watever but this guy is a really decent guy shes with and if you ask me he deserves MUCH better then a conartist. Anywho I have nothing more to say I'm done ranting for now.

Life as I know it

First things first, I'm not a big blogger unless I have things on my mind, I'm a passion writter I guess. I've been going through alot these past few months. It feels like I'm going 90 mph and my brakes are out in my car. My world seems to upside down. I'm losing what I know as the perfect life. I am married but I'm not. My husband loves me but he doesn't. That is how I feel. hubby says he wants to work on things yet he turns into a a** with in days of me opening up my feelings to him. Should I just keep them bottle now? I have no clue. I'm at a lost for once in my life and I don't know how to handle it. I'm normally the upbeat person who doesn't take crap from anyone but yet I will let one guy walk all over me. Pretty messed up huh? In my life when things seem to be going great things go bad, and I'm not talking a little I'm talking about the bad that makes it to where you can't breath, that there is the HUDGE weight on your chest. I can say I've hit the bottom, I'm there now....nothing makes sense in my life expect for my son. He's my reason for getting up out of bed in the morning and well I have a friend who will not let be down on myself. She has been my rock kinda through this ordeal I'm going through. Yeah I may be lazy at times and not want to do anything and I know she gets fustrated but I know shes there for me. I'm 25 and feel like I'm finaly growing up in a sense. I'm tried of waiting for change that I know I'm not going to see from someone....I owe it to myself to live my life for my son and me. If something comes along and hubby hasn't change I'll take the chance, whats the reason for waiting for change knowing it's never going to come? My hubby and I are legally together but mentally I think I have to finally close that chapter in my life. Yeah it will be hard but I don't know what else to do. I know I might change my mind but I'm not going to wait for my fairy tale to be written, I'm going to help write it.