Life as I know it

First things first, I'm not a big blogger unless I have things on my mind, I'm a passion writter I guess. I've been going through alot these past few months. It feels like I'm going 90 mph and my brakes are out in my car. My world seems to upside down. I'm losing what I know as the perfect life. I am married but I'm not. My husband loves me but he doesn't. That is how I feel. hubby says he wants to work on things yet he turns into a a** with in days of me opening up my feelings to him. Should I just keep them bottle now? I have no clue. I'm at a lost for once in my life and I don't know how to handle it. I'm normally the upbeat person who doesn't take crap from anyone but yet I will let one guy walk all over me. Pretty messed up huh? In my life when things seem to be going great things go bad, and I'm not talking a little I'm talking about the bad that makes it to where you can't breath, that there is the HUDGE weight on your chest. I can say I've hit the bottom, I'm there now....nothing makes sense in my life expect for my son. He's my reason for getting up out of bed in the morning and well I have a friend who will not let be down on myself. She has been my rock kinda through this ordeal I'm going through. Yeah I may be lazy at times and not want to do anything and I know she gets fustrated but I know shes there for me. I'm 25 and feel like I'm finaly growing up in a sense. I'm tried of waiting for change that I know I'm not going to see from someone....I owe it to myself to live my life for my son and me. If something comes along and hubby hasn't change I'll take the chance, whats the reason for waiting for change knowing it's never going to come? My hubby and I are legally together but mentally I think I have to finally close that chapter in my life. Yeah it will be hard but I don't know what else to do. I know I might change my mind but I'm not going to wait for my fairy tale to be written, I'm going to help write it.